A good article published in the New York Times on Ethiopian Adoptions, copied in its entirety:
"In Ethiopia, Open Doors for Foreign Adoptions
By JANE GROSS and WILL CONNORS
Published: June 4, 2007
ST. PAUL — Ethiopia was not on Mark and Vera Westrum-Ostrom’s list when they first visited Children’s Home Society & Family Services here to explore an international adoption.
From Ethiopia to Minnesota Ukraine was first, because of their family heritage, until the couple discovered that the adoption system there was chaotic, with inaccurate information about orphans’ health and availability.
Vietnam was second, after they saw videos of well-run orphanages. But the wait would be at least a year and a half.
Then they learned about Ethiopia’s model centers for orphans, run by American agencies, with an efficient adoption system that made it possible for them to file paperwork on Labor Day and claim 2-year-old Tariku, a boy with almond eyes and a halo of ringlets, at Christmas.
From Addis Ababa, the capital city, they traveled to the countryside to meet the boy’s birth mother, an opportunity rare in international adoption. And at roughly $20,000, the process was affordable compared with other foreign adoptions, and free of the bribes that are common in some countries.
It is no wonder, given these advantages, that Ethiopia, a country more often associated by Americans with drought, famine and conflict, has become a hot spot for international adoption. Even before the actress Angelina Jolie put adoption in Ethiopia on the cover of People magazine in 2005, the number of adoptions there by Americans was growing. The total is still small — 732 children in 2006, out of a total of 20,632 foreign adoptions, but it is a steep increase, up from 82 children adopted in 1997.
Ethiopia now ranks 5th among countries for adoption by Americans, up from 16th in 2000. In the same period, the number of American agencies licensed to operate there has grown from one to 22.
The increasing interest in Ethiopia comes at a time when the leading countries for international adoption, China, Guatemala and Russia are, respectively, tightening eligibility requirements, under scrutiny for adoption corruption and closing borders to American agencies.
Ethiopia’s sudden popularity also comes with risks, say government officials there and in America.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to handle it,” said Haddush Halefom, an official at the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, which oversees adoption. “We don’t have the capacity to handle all these new agencies, and we have to monitor the quality, not just the quantity.”
Capping the number of agencies is one solution. And that is what some international adoption officials in the United States are now urging the Ethiopian government to do.
Of concern is the ability of agencies to handle the rising demand, which may have contributed to a recent mix-up involving two families sent home with the wrong children by Christian World Adoption, an established agency, although relatively new to Ethiopia. That case prompted inquiries by the State Department and the nonprofit Joint Council on International Children’s Services in Virginia, a child welfare and advocacy organization, and the adoption agency itself, said Thomas DiFilipo, president of the joint council.
Officials at Christian World Adoption did not reply to e-mail messages or telephone calls. But Mr. DiFilipo said the agency was reviewing its procedures and has hired immigration lawyers to resolve the mix-up.
The consensus, Mr. DiFilipo said, is that the mix-up was “an honest mistake.” But, he added, “This could be the byproduct of a staff handling 35 placements when they’re used to handling 20.”
Children’s Home Society & Family Services, founded in 1889, began working in Ethiopia in 2004. The agency completed about 300 adoptions in its first three years in Ethiopia, and expects to complete that many in 2007 alone. Along with Wide Horizons For Children in Waltham, Mass., the society is credited with helping Ethiopia create a model for international adoption.
Ethiopia, with a population of 76 million, has an estimated 5 million children who have lost one or both parents, according to aid organizations. Many African nations have outlawed or impeded the adoption of their children by foreigners. Ethiopia has welcomed American and European families who are willing to provide homes for children who have lost both parents to AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis or starvation, or who come from families too destitute to feed and clothe them. (The adoption process includes routine screening for HIV infection.)
Two elements distinguish Ethiopia’s adoption system, according to dozens of experts. One is the existence of transitional homes for orphans, in the countryside and in the capital, with services and staffing that are rare in the developing world — paid for by American agencies.
Not long ago, Sandra Iverson, a nurse practitioner from the University of Minnesota’s international adoption health clinic, the first of its kind in the United States, was invited to visit the Children’s Home Society’s Ethiopian centers.
She arrived with a neonatal otoscope, to diagnose ear infections; the Red Book, the bible of pediatrics; and scarce antibiotics. She left confident that Ethiopia’s orphans enjoyed unusual care.
“You don’t hear crying babies,” Ms. Iverson said. “They are picked up immediately.”
The other signature of the Ethiopian system is that adopting families are encouraged to meet birth families and visit the villages where the children were raised, a cutting-edge practice in adoptions. Some agencies provide DVDs or photographs that document the children’s past.
Russ and Ann Couwenhoven, in Ham Lake, Minn., recently showed one such video to 6-year-old Tariku, one of three children they have adopted from Ethiopia. The boy seemed proud of the beautifully painted house he had lived in, they said, and the uncle who had sheltered him for as long as he could.
Linda Zwicky brought 2-year-old Amale home five days before the Memorial Day weekend, with a letter from the child’s grandmother that described holding the motherless infant at her breast even though she had no milk. Sometimes such vividness is too much. Melanie Danke and her husband, of Minneapolis, adopted 6-year-old twins and a 3-year-old, all siblings. One of the twins “would work herself up until she was inconsolable” looking at photos of the aunt and grandmother who raised her, Ms. Danke said. So she has tucked the photos away for now.
David Pilgrim, vice president of adoption services at the Children’s Home Society, said the agency spends $2 million a year on its Ethiopian facilities.
At the main transitional home, on the outskirts of Addis Ababa, a staff of 170 care for about 120 children, ensuring that the children have consistent contact with adults, which experts say mitigates the most damaging psychological effects of institutionalization.
During a reporter’s recent visit, the two terra-cotta buildings where the children live, usually for no more than a few months, were spotless, with staff members scurrying to pick up toys and food spills as they hit the floor.
The transitional home has a primary school, open also to local students, where the children begin learning English. There is a medical clinic with two full-time doctors and 10 nurses. Down the road is a guest house for adoptive parents, who also can stay in a sleek hotel.
The children also enjoy the services of a “laugh therapist,” Belachu Girma.
“These kids come here and are very depressed at first, all with their heads down and not talking,” Mr. Girma said. “I come in and try to help them relax.”
There was laughter also at the nearby guest house, more of the nervous kind, as American parents waited to take their children back to St. Paul from the Horn of Africa.
Araminta and Jason Montague, from Atlanta, who picked up 17-month-old Natan last week, compared their experience in Ethiopia to an earlier adoption of a girl from China (where Americans adopted 6,493 children in 2006).
“Our daughter was in an orphanage with about 300 children and she was very dehydrated,” Ms. Montague said. “We were never told her origins. Her sheet just said ‘Status: Abandoned.’ ”
Some parents anguished, as did Karla Suomala of Decorah, Iowa, when she arrived in Addis Ababa to adopt 5-year-old Dawit and his 21-month-old sister Meheret.
“It’s hard to know what the right thing is to do,” Ms. Suomala said. “Should we just give all the money we’re spending on this to the children’s mother?” Ms. Suomala and her husband, David Vasquez, had already spent time with her.
“It was obvious the birth mother loved her children,” Mr. Vasquez said. “She said to us, ‘Thank you for sharing my burden.’ ”
Alessandro Conticini, the head of child protection at Unicef Ethiopia, is one of many who believe that international adoption is a good thing but must be “part of a larger strategy” that focuses on keeping children in their families or communities, with the help of humanitarian organizations.
Indeed, the Ethiopian government has taken the unusual step of requiring foreign agencies to provide social services and document the results. As a result, agencies like Children’s Home Society and Wide Horizons have built schools and medical facilities — including one for HIV-infected children.
But Mr. Conticini, of Unicef, worries about the mushrooming number of private adoption companies that “are not properly regulated by the government” because two different ministries are involved and working at cross purposes.
At the State Department, visa applications for children adopted from Ethiopia are getting extra attention, said Catherine M. Barry, deputy assistant secretary for overseas citizens services. “We will very quickly see if patterns are emerging,” she said, “and we will intervene in a timely fashion with anyone doing less than quality work.”
While the governments collaborate to protect a delicate adoption system from the perils of growth, adoptive families arrive each week in Addis Ababa to ease their children into new lives.
Last week, these included Mr. Vasquez and Ms. Suomala. While she had no trouble escorting Meheret from the orphanage, Dawit refused to budge, so Mr. Vasquez carried him toward the gate.
There, the child grabbed the bars and would not let go. Mr. Vasquez considered prying his hands loose and thought better of it. Instead he told Dawit that it was O.K. to cry.
Jane Gross reported from St. Paul, and Will Connors from Addis Ababa. "
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Homestudy visit #1, another potluck, & twin time!
Wow, what a weekend it's been! I barely know where to start. Well... here it goes:
I got the call I've been waiting for on Wednesday! Our social worker, Cara, called Wednesday evening to set up a time to meet. I was so thrilled she called so quickly, and better yet, she was able to meet with us that Friday (June 1st!). So, we agreed to meet with her at 4:00pm on Friday. As soon as I got off the phone the real nerves set in for me! I mean, just think about it. This is the woman that will approve us (hopefully!) to adopt our children. Our adoption's fate is currently in her hands. And, to make me even MORE nervous, rather than just coming to our house once for a single "home visit," she was going to come to our house for all 3 of the interviews! Yikes, I sure hoped Chloe (and Cooper) would behave themselves more quietly and calmly than normal!
Somehow, I anxiously made my way through the week (Joe, of course, was my beacon of calm, cool, and collected). Friday afternoon came, and I found myself rushing towards home from doing a little bit of house hunting with my mom (JUST in case we get our house sold!), in order to get home in time to meet with Cara! We put the dogs in the garage, tidied up, and sat on the couch and waited. When the doorbell finally rang, I think I jumped about a foot off the couch and into the air... this was it. I hoped she liked us. Would she feel we were fit to be parents? Let alone, adoptive parents?
The meeting lasted all of 40-45 minutes and wasn't bad at all. Other than chatting more than I needed to (always do that when I'm nervous and excited!) and answering almost all of the questions for her before Joe had a chance to speak up (boy, he sure does pause a long time before answering sometimes!), I think it went really well. She seemed very nice, laid back, and overall very encouraging. I also decided to push a bit for timing details... as I've mentioned, my goal is to have this homestudy wrapped up and a completed report in my hands by the end of the month. Well, she was very supportive of that and agreed to come again two weeks to the day for our next visit. The Department of Homeland Security doesn't like to see the 1st and 2nd visits less than two weeks apart, so we'll do it at exactly two weeks! Then, after meeting with her at 4:00pm on June 15th, we'll have her back the following morning at 10:00am for the final visit! That's the visit where she'll do the actual house walk-through. She didn't go around the house at all this time... all that prepping the house for nothing. Oh well. Our next visit we have to do our individual interviews... one of us is interviewed and the other has to leave the house during the interview. Yep, nervous about that too. Surprise, surprise!
Once she completes the interviews, she says she'll write up the report the next day and submit a draft to everyone that needs to review it. Then, she'll make any changes necessary based upon those reviewing it, and get it signed and notarized. I should have it in hand and ready to drive up to the immigration office before June 26th... our departure day for our trip (I'll go into the trip later). So, all in all, it's great news so far! Woohoo! Yippee!! (Imagine hearing me whoop and holler cause it's exactly what I've been doing since our first visit! Dancing, talking a mile a minute, and shouting the good news to anyone that'll listen!)
On Saturday, (the day after our first home visit), we were scheduled to go to the Temecula area for our monthly Southern California Ethiopia Adopt family potluck. But, while we were at the gym working out that morning, we got a call from our realtor letting us know an offer was being faxed to him for our house! WOW! Talk about surprise... I was not expecting that call right then! So, we had to delay going to the potluck and meet with him to review the offer. Long story short, the offer was a total low-ball and probably won't materialize into anything exciting. We've countered twice now, and I'm not thinking it'll go anywhere. Oh well. So, we headed off to the potluck after writing up a counter offer, and began the fun! The family hosting the potluck has a great place with an awesome pool and Joe enjoyed splashing around and playing with all the kids. Will and Blaine (the hosts) have an amazing family with fantastic kids, and it was so wonderful of them to host for the group. As usual, I cooed at and played with the babies and toddlers while Joe transformed into the "big kid" and played for hours on end. There's just no leaving the potlucks without expending all of your energy!
And finally... we got to have some "twin time" today!!! It was SOOOOO great! One of Joe's friends at work has four and a half month old identical twin boys. Geoff (his friend) mentioned recently that since we were planning on requesting twins, that maybe we should come over to their house and spend some time changing diapers and seeing the "chaos" that can come with multiples. So, without hesitation, I jumped at the offer! We spent most of the day with Geoff, his fabulous wife, Valerie, and their absolutely adorable boys, Wesley and Harrison. It was amazing to see how great they're all doing at four and a half months. It sounds like sleep schedules are really tough right now (or should I say... a LACK of sleep & schedules! ;-) ) but the boys are really such happy babies and are quite mellow. They are total charmers and I personally just couldn't get enough of them. We all went to the Tustin Chili Cookoff together and I even got to practice maneuvering the big twin stroller... which is much tougher than it looks! The best part of the day is that Joe and I had such a great time with them and I think we all hit it off so well! I still don't have any really close girlfriends out here in SoCal, so finding I have so much in common with Valerie (including that I'll soon be a twin mom too... probably!), was so exciting. She's promised to take us up on our offer to come lend a hand, and that we'll start going to the gym together, and that's so awesome! Plus, she's got so many great tips on things that have helped them with managing two, and referrals for things like a pediatrician that they love, twin discounts, a local Moms with multiples club, a multiples nanny share, and all kinds of great books! Whew, I am so lucky to have met them! Thank you Geoff and Valerie!
So, in a nutshell (a BIG nutshell), that was our weekend! See, lots happened! And, tomorrow I have to get on a plane and head to Atlanta for 3 days for training. Ugh. I hate to be leaving town right now, but at least it's only 3 days. I'll post again soon with the details/update on our upcoming trip! It's just another exciting revelation in our ever crazy and exciting world!
**Yep, I'm all smiles right now! What a great weekend!
I got the call I've been waiting for on Wednesday! Our social worker, Cara, called Wednesday evening to set up a time to meet. I was so thrilled she called so quickly, and better yet, she was able to meet with us that Friday (June 1st!). So, we agreed to meet with her at 4:00pm on Friday. As soon as I got off the phone the real nerves set in for me! I mean, just think about it. This is the woman that will approve us (hopefully!) to adopt our children. Our adoption's fate is currently in her hands. And, to make me even MORE nervous, rather than just coming to our house once for a single "home visit," she was going to come to our house for all 3 of the interviews! Yikes, I sure hoped Chloe (and Cooper) would behave themselves more quietly and calmly than normal!
Somehow, I anxiously made my way through the week (Joe, of course, was my beacon of calm, cool, and collected). Friday afternoon came, and I found myself rushing towards home from doing a little bit of house hunting with my mom (JUST in case we get our house sold!), in order to get home in time to meet with Cara! We put the dogs in the garage, tidied up, and sat on the couch and waited. When the doorbell finally rang, I think I jumped about a foot off the couch and into the air... this was it. I hoped she liked us. Would she feel we were fit to be parents? Let alone, adoptive parents?
The meeting lasted all of 40-45 minutes and wasn't bad at all. Other than chatting more than I needed to (always do that when I'm nervous and excited!) and answering almost all of the questions for her before Joe had a chance to speak up (boy, he sure does pause a long time before answering sometimes!), I think it went really well. She seemed very nice, laid back, and overall very encouraging. I also decided to push a bit for timing details... as I've mentioned, my goal is to have this homestudy wrapped up and a completed report in my hands by the end of the month. Well, she was very supportive of that and agreed to come again two weeks to the day for our next visit. The Department of Homeland Security doesn't like to see the 1st and 2nd visits less than two weeks apart, so we'll do it at exactly two weeks! Then, after meeting with her at 4:00pm on June 15th, we'll have her back the following morning at 10:00am for the final visit! That's the visit where she'll do the actual house walk-through. She didn't go around the house at all this time... all that prepping the house for nothing. Oh well. Our next visit we have to do our individual interviews... one of us is interviewed and the other has to leave the house during the interview. Yep, nervous about that too. Surprise, surprise!
Once she completes the interviews, she says she'll write up the report the next day and submit a draft to everyone that needs to review it. Then, she'll make any changes necessary based upon those reviewing it, and get it signed and notarized. I should have it in hand and ready to drive up to the immigration office before June 26th... our departure day for our trip (I'll go into the trip later). So, all in all, it's great news so far! Woohoo! Yippee!! (Imagine hearing me whoop and holler cause it's exactly what I've been doing since our first visit! Dancing, talking a mile a minute, and shouting the good news to anyone that'll listen!)
On Saturday, (the day after our first home visit), we were scheduled to go to the Temecula area for our monthly Southern California Ethiopia Adopt family potluck. But, while we were at the gym working out that morning, we got a call from our realtor letting us know an offer was being faxed to him for our house! WOW! Talk about surprise... I was not expecting that call right then! So, we had to delay going to the potluck and meet with him to review the offer. Long story short, the offer was a total low-ball and probably won't materialize into anything exciting. We've countered twice now, and I'm not thinking it'll go anywhere. Oh well. So, we headed off to the potluck after writing up a counter offer, and began the fun! The family hosting the potluck has a great place with an awesome pool and Joe enjoyed splashing around and playing with all the kids. Will and Blaine (the hosts) have an amazing family with fantastic kids, and it was so wonderful of them to host for the group. As usual, I cooed at and played with the babies and toddlers while Joe transformed into the "big kid" and played for hours on end. There's just no leaving the potlucks without expending all of your energy!
And finally... we got to have some "twin time" today!!! It was SOOOOO great! One of Joe's friends at work has four and a half month old identical twin boys. Geoff (his friend) mentioned recently that since we were planning on requesting twins, that maybe we should come over to their house and spend some time changing diapers and seeing the "chaos" that can come with multiples. So, without hesitation, I jumped at the offer! We spent most of the day with Geoff, his fabulous wife, Valerie, and their absolutely adorable boys, Wesley and Harrison. It was amazing to see how great they're all doing at four and a half months. It sounds like sleep schedules are really tough right now (or should I say... a LACK of sleep & schedules! ;-) ) but the boys are really such happy babies and are quite mellow. They are total charmers and I personally just couldn't get enough of them. We all went to the Tustin Chili Cookoff together and I even got to practice maneuvering the big twin stroller... which is much tougher than it looks! The best part of the day is that Joe and I had such a great time with them and I think we all hit it off so well! I still don't have any really close girlfriends out here in SoCal, so finding I have so much in common with Valerie (including that I'll soon be a twin mom too... probably!), was so exciting. She's promised to take us up on our offer to come lend a hand, and that we'll start going to the gym together, and that's so awesome! Plus, she's got so many great tips on things that have helped them with managing two, and referrals for things like a pediatrician that they love, twin discounts, a local Moms with multiples club, a multiples nanny share, and all kinds of great books! Whew, I am so lucky to have met them! Thank you Geoff and Valerie!
So, in a nutshell (a BIG nutshell), that was our weekend! See, lots happened! And, tomorrow I have to get on a plane and head to Atlanta for 3 days for training. Ugh. I hate to be leaving town right now, but at least it's only 3 days. I'll post again soon with the details/update on our upcoming trip! It's just another exciting revelation in our ever crazy and exciting world!
**Yep, I'm all smiles right now! What a great weekend!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
We have a case worker!!!!!!
Oh my gosh, what a thrill! I had to leave the house for an hour because our listing agent wanted to show it to someone, and when I returned, I decided to call Angels' Haven Outreach to let them know that I had sent them Joe's birth certificate and our post placement agreement form. Well, when I asked more, I learned that they received one of our letters of reference finally today and assigned us a case worker!!! I nearly cried I was so excited! PROGRESS! They've mailed us another packet with her contact information, and we are supposed to give her a few days to review our file now that she has been assigned to us.
So, thanks to our fabulous friends for getting those letters of reference in! We couldn't have gotten this far without you... and that's the truth!
Now, time to have a fabulous, relaxing Memorial Day during which we will have a wonderful BBQ here at our place with some of our family. Good times, good times. Yippeeeee!!!!
So, thanks to our fabulous friends for getting those letters of reference in! We couldn't have gotten this far without you... and that's the truth!
Now, time to have a fabulous, relaxing Memorial Day during which we will have a wonderful BBQ here at our place with some of our family. Good times, good times. Yippeeeee!!!!
Placement Agency Application Received!
Well, I just found out that late yesterday afternoon Adoption Avenues finally received our application! Yeah! I faxed them all of the documents we have so far for our dossier in order to have them reviewed. I hate to get all the way to getting them notarized and certified, just to learn that something was wrong!
My fingers are crossed that everything has been done correctly so far!
My fingers are crossed that everything has been done correctly so far!
Wading our way through the impatience stage
I certainly know that in the world of adoption, patience is extremely important to possess. For me, that is an ever-present challenge to overcome. I imagine at the beginning of each stage of the adoption I will have to struggle through my initial impatience. For example, when Joe and I first decided to move forward with adoption last September, we didn't decide to begin right away, but start doing our research and prepare ourselves while waiting for the "right time." At first, it was so hard to wait to get started, I think I brought the topic up with Joe every day, discussing whether we shouldn't really get started sooner. After a time, though, I resolved myself to waiting a while, and then "all of a sudden" it was May and we were ready to get started!
Well, here I am again at the "beginning" of the next stage. The paperwork stage. And, not surprisingly, I am feeling very motivated to knock this stage out quickly and keep things moving forward. Impatience. Well, sort of. I also know that the majority of the adoption timeline is completely out of our hands... how quickly our social worker gets our homestudy written up, how long Immigration takes to process our application for a visa, how long we have to wait for a referral, how long we have to wait to travel, etc. So, this is the one stage I have some control over. Therefore, I find myself going crazy when someone or something else in the process holds us up. Seriously, I feel bad for my friends trying to write letters of reference for us! I have all of the documents to Angels' Haven Outreach that they need in order to start the homestudy... including the $1000 check I overnighted to them on Tuesday morning, but when I spoke with them yesterday, I was told they hadn't received any of our letters of reference, and they needed at least two of those before they'd assign us a social worker. Agggghhhhh!!!! Didn't anyone realize how hard I'd worked to get everything turned in so we could get a social worker assigned this week?! To make it worse, the agency is closed on Fridays, so now it's unlikely they'll get any of our references before Monday. Darn it. I should've sent money to each of the people we asked and begged them to overnight the letters... but I guess that may just be silly and showing my impatience too much.
You know you need to realign your focus when you spend an entire day hovering around your front door and walkway up to your front door, watching and waiting for the UPS delivery person. I seriously checked the door at least every 15 minutes throughout the afternoon. I even sat on the front porch for a while. I got a call yesterday morning informing me that a Next Day air package from "Tennessee Vital Records" would be delivered and someone had to sign for it. Now, I was left a bit confused since Joe was born in Cincinnati and that's where I ordered his birth certificates from, but what else could it be?! So, all day long, I couldn't leave the house, and poor Suka definitely found it to be unjust that we missed her park playtime! I started getting "nervous" when 5:00 came and still no delivery. Wouldn't you know it though, UPS stated on their website that deliveries were made to residential addresses until 7:00 pm. So, I waited. And then, at 6:47 pm... the UPS MAN ARRIVED! And, he DID have Joe's birth certificates! (Yes, I know I need to focus on other things...)
I also know that North Carolina Secretary of State's Authentication Department has my employment letter in hand now. (Thank goodness for package tracking!) It was delivered to them early yesterday morning. So, hopefully that'll get overnighted back to me and be in my hands by the early part of next week. One more item I can check off the list. Boy, do I ever love checking things off the list! It feels so good to inch each little step forward.
Yesterday, I finally received the letter from my bank (that I later found out they charged me $10 for without my permission or knowledge!), and it was a complete disaster! The letter was addressed to Donald and Cindy P... at our address! It had 3 accounts referenced on it (we have 4 through them) and the 3 on there were our account numbers! Let me remind you in case you've forgotten our names. We are Jessica and Joseph G... Not even close! The letter also did not state what it needed to and it wasn't notarized or on the blue and red bank letterhead paper!! The signature on the letter wasn't even a "wet" signature... it was printed off! It took over a week to receive (mailed from 20 miles away) and it wasn't even written for the correct names. Geesh. I'd heard BANK OF AMERICA was bad, particularly for obtaining the letters need for adoption dossiers, but come on! I will tell you though, that after spending 42 minutes and 15 seconds on the phone with the assistant of my Premier Banker (yep, having a large mortgage with the company I bank with does have its perks!) I had 2 copies of a new letter overnighted to us and the $10 charge credited back to my account. So, later today I should get the letters and HOPEFULLY this time they'll be right! Goose frabah.... (think "Anger Management" with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson). I'm feeling better now. ;-)
I will also probably have to send another application and check to my placement agency, Adoption Avenues, because as of yesterday they still hadn't received my original application. That'll teach me for using regular old USPS. Slow and unpredictable. And with no way to track it, I have no idea if it's lost forever or still making its way to Oregon. By the time they get that, we'll be ready to turn around and send them a much bigger check ($4,000) and our signed contract package!
**Update, my application check to Adoption Avenues has been cashed and the application is in hand! Yeah!**
So, yeah. Things are moving along really well, but never fast enough for me. ;-) I think I'll feel better when we have a social worker and the next big hurdle (our homestudy) gets going. It looks encouraging to see how few items are left on my list of needed documents for the homestudy or dossier:
Well, here I am again at the "beginning" of the next stage. The paperwork stage. And, not surprisingly, I am feeling very motivated to knock this stage out quickly and keep things moving forward. Impatience. Well, sort of. I also know that the majority of the adoption timeline is completely out of our hands... how quickly our social worker gets our homestudy written up, how long Immigration takes to process our application for a visa, how long we have to wait for a referral, how long we have to wait to travel, etc. So, this is the one stage I have some control over. Therefore, I find myself going crazy when someone or something else in the process holds us up. Seriously, I feel bad for my friends trying to write letters of reference for us! I have all of the documents to Angels' Haven Outreach that they need in order to start the homestudy... including the $1000 check I overnighted to them on Tuesday morning, but when I spoke with them yesterday, I was told they hadn't received any of our letters of reference, and they needed at least two of those before they'd assign us a social worker. Agggghhhhh!!!! Didn't anyone realize how hard I'd worked to get everything turned in so we could get a social worker assigned this week?! To make it worse, the agency is closed on Fridays, so now it's unlikely they'll get any of our references before Monday. Darn it. I should've sent money to each of the people we asked and begged them to overnight the letters... but I guess that may just be silly and showing my impatience too much.
You know you need to realign your focus when you spend an entire day hovering around your front door and walkway up to your front door, watching and waiting for the UPS delivery person. I seriously checked the door at least every 15 minutes throughout the afternoon. I even sat on the front porch for a while. I got a call yesterday morning informing me that a Next Day air package from "Tennessee Vital Records" would be delivered and someone had to sign for it. Now, I was left a bit confused since Joe was born in Cincinnati and that's where I ordered his birth certificates from, but what else could it be?! So, all day long, I couldn't leave the house, and poor Suka definitely found it to be unjust that we missed her park playtime! I started getting "nervous" when 5:00 came and still no delivery. Wouldn't you know it though, UPS stated on their website that deliveries were made to residential addresses until 7:00 pm. So, I waited. And then, at 6:47 pm... the UPS MAN ARRIVED! And, he DID have Joe's birth certificates! (Yes, I know I need to focus on other things...)
I also know that North Carolina Secretary of State's Authentication Department has my employment letter in hand now. (Thank goodness for package tracking!) It was delivered to them early yesterday morning. So, hopefully that'll get overnighted back to me and be in my hands by the early part of next week. One more item I can check off the list. Boy, do I ever love checking things off the list! It feels so good to inch each little step forward.
Yesterday, I finally received the letter from my bank (that I later found out they charged me $10 for without my permission or knowledge!), and it was a complete disaster! The letter was addressed to Donald and Cindy P... at our address! It had 3 accounts referenced on it (we have 4 through them) and the 3 on there were our account numbers! Let me remind you in case you've forgotten our names. We are Jessica and Joseph G... Not even close! The letter also did not state what it needed to and it wasn't notarized or on the blue and red bank letterhead paper!! The signature on the letter wasn't even a "wet" signature... it was printed off! It took over a week to receive (mailed from 20 miles away) and it wasn't even written for the correct names. Geesh. I'd heard BANK OF AMERICA was bad, particularly for obtaining the letters need for adoption dossiers, but come on! I will tell you though, that after spending 42 minutes and 15 seconds on the phone with the assistant of my Premier Banker (yep, having a large mortgage with the company I bank with does have its perks!) I had 2 copies of a new letter overnighted to us and the $10 charge credited back to my account. So, later today I should get the letters and HOPEFULLY this time they'll be right! Goose frabah.... (think "Anger Management" with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson). I'm feeling better now. ;-)
I will also probably have to send another application and check to my placement agency, Adoption Avenues, because as of yesterday they still hadn't received my original application. That'll teach me for using regular old USPS. Slow and unpredictable. And with no way to track it, I have no idea if it's lost forever or still making its way to Oregon. By the time they get that, we'll be ready to turn around and send them a much bigger check ($4,000) and our signed contract package!
**Update, my application check to Adoption Avenues has been cashed and the application is in hand! Yeah!**
So, yeah. Things are moving along really well, but never fast enough for me. ;-) I think I'll feel better when we have a social worker and the next big hurdle (our homestudy) gets going. It looks encouraging to see how few items are left on my list of needed documents for the homestudy or dossier:
- Criminal Clearance letter
- Letter from Financial Establishment
- Letters of reference
- Homestudy report (from homestudy agency)
- Homestudy license (from homestudy agency)
- Homestudy agency agreement (from homestudy agency)
- I-171H (can't apply for this until we get our completed homestudy!)
Not too shabby considering I just picked our agencies and got the list of items needed 10 days ago!
All in all, progress is good, and my impatience is starting to ease up as I settle into the paperchase phase. I really couldn't be happier that the journey is begun... I even let myself wander through the baby section of Wal-Mart the other day. Of course, I became so excited and overwhelmed that I began to cry, but that's another story! Bottles, formula, gidgets, and whatsits galore! Another reminder that this part of the journey into parenthood is only HALF the battle, the other part is learning what you need, what diapers to buy, bottles to use, formula, etc.
If you've made it this far, thanks for taking the time to hear about the progress and setbacks! Now, it's time to get back to work. I am banning myself from adoption related matters until 4:00 pm or later today (yeah right! I'm planning on running out to express mail Joe's birth certificate to Angels' Haven Outreach now!).
Monday, May 21, 2007
Homestudy application received!
Well, I just got word that Angels' Haven Outreach has received our application and is "intaking our file" this afternoon (whatever that means)! Yippee! One more little bit of progress to celebrate! Now, I need to go overnight them a check for the first installment! They must have this check before assigning us our case worker!
Everybody do the happy dance! You know I am!
Everybody do the happy dance! You know I am!
Welcome to the whirlwind!
Well, it's official. I am OBSESSED. Joe must think he's unleashed a crazy person! We're living in warp speed these days... I can't begin to express how motivated I have been to do everything I can to speed the process along. So far, I have gathered most of the documents needed for our dossier, and the ones that I don't have yet have been requested and are on their way. The biggest thing holding us up at this point it the homestudy. In order to get a social worker assigned to do our homestudy, we had to get the agency a long list of documents. On that list were things like birth certificates, marriage certificate, medical form signed by the Dr. for both of us, letters from our employers, letters of reference from friends, fingerprint clearances, etc., etc. At this point, the only thing I don't have to them is the letters from our employers (should have those to mail in the next day or two), and Joe's birth certificate. Our letters of reference should be on their way to Angels' Haven by now. I'm hoping that they'll go ahead and assign a social worker as soon as the bulk of these documents arrive in their office.
In order to familiarize you with the process, I thought I'd give an overview of it in order of steps we will go through. There is some overlap in a few of the steps, but most rely on previous steps in order to move forward.
In order to familiarize you with the process, I thought I'd give an overview of it in order of steps we will go through. There is some overlap in a few of the steps, but most rely on previous steps in order to move forward.
- Apply to Adoption Avenues (Ethiopia placement program) and Angels' Haven Outreach (Homestudy Agency)
- Gather documents required for Angels' Haven in order to begin actual homestudy. Also, be gathering documents for the Ethiopia dossier since there is a lot of overlap in what is needed for the homestudy and the dossier.
- Submit all documents for homestudy along with a check for $1,000 (1st half of homestudy fee).
- Sign Adoption Avenues contract and return it with a check for $4,000 (1st installment fee for 2 children).
- Homestudy (this could take a month or more to complete)
- Send final check of $1,000 to Angels' Haven Outreach prior to receiving completed homestudy. (OUR GOAL: Complete Homestudy by end of June!)
- Upon receipt of completed homestudy, drive to Los Angeles USCIS (Immigration) office and submit I-600A (Application for Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition) with all required documents. (From application to fingerprinting to approval will probably take AT LEAST a month, probably more like 2-3 months).
- Upon receiving I-171H (Notice of Favorable Determination...this document results from the approved I-600A), complete dossier and take to the Orange County Clerk and Recorder, followed by the Los Angeles Secretary of State's office for notary certification.
- FedEx Certified Dossier with check for $250 (Authentication/courier fee) to Adoption Avenues for submission via courier to Washington DC to the US Department of State and then to the Ethiopian Embassy to be Authenticated.
- Send $6,000 (2nd installment for 2 children) check sent to Adoption Avenues before dossier is sent to Ethiopia.
- Authenticated dossier sent to Ethiopia. Wait for referral officially begins.
- Receive referral, have international adoption doctor review and give feedback.
- Accept referral (or reject if there is just cause... in which case you wait for another referral), send final installment check to Adoption Avenues for $5,500.
- Case goes to court in Ethiopia... adoption is finalized in Ethiopia
- TRAVEL to get our babies!
Wow, what a process. It's very hard to nail down an accurate timeline for all of this, but we are HOPING we will be able to get through the process by the end of the year. That is one advantage to working with a small agency with no waiting list. Of course, paying for all of these things as we go is the other obstacle that could hold up the process. I have only listed the large expense items, and not all the costs for fingerprints, visa application, document notary & certification, postage, etc. We expect the grand total including travel to end up between $25,000 - $30,000. Hopefully, a large chunk of that we will be able to get back through the Adoption Tax Credit in the year after the adoption is finalized. One large advantage to getting our children before the end of this year is that we could get the tax credit next spring!
Please everyone keeps us in your thoughts for a speedy process! We are so thrilled to be so supported by our family and friends! We love you all so much and appreciate the kind words and support as we work through this journey towards becoming first time parents!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Learning about multiples in Ethiopia
I recently saw an article about an NGO in Ethiopia called Ethiopian Gemini Trust. Their mission is to help families of multiples. It's fascinating to learn how much higher the percentage of births are twins in Ethiopia than in Europe or the US. The link I'm including is a transcript between a reporter and people that work at Ethiopian Gemini Trust and a few of the families supported by the foundation. It's fascinating to learn about the numbers...
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/8.30/helthrpt/stories/s337924.htm
Here is the link to Ethiopian's Gemini Trust website. There is information on what they offer to families, as well as ways you can help. You can even sponsor a set of twins!
http://www.geminitrust.org/about.htm
Their current struggles are mentioned in the most recent newsletter:
http://www.geminitrust.org/newsletter.htm
If you're into statistics, graphs, and figures, be sure to check out this study. It shows a very high level of infant mortality in multiple births in Ethiopia, and a VERY interesting trend for an increased number of births to multiples in the months of March, September, and December; whereas singleton births remain relatively consistent throughout the year... Hmmm.
http://www.cih.uib.no/journals/EJHD/ejhdv16-special-issue/ejhd-v16-s-p5.PDF
So, ask yourself, what can YOU do to help??
Happy Mother's Day...
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/8.30/helthrpt/stories/s337924.htm
Here is the link to Ethiopian's Gemini Trust website. There is information on what they offer to families, as well as ways you can help. You can even sponsor a set of twins!
http://www.geminitrust.org/about.htm
Their current struggles are mentioned in the most recent newsletter:
http://www.geminitrust.org/newsletter.htm
If you're into statistics, graphs, and figures, be sure to check out this study. It shows a very high level of infant mortality in multiple births in Ethiopia, and a VERY interesting trend for an increased number of births to multiples in the months of March, September, and December; whereas singleton births remain relatively consistent throughout the year... Hmmm.
http://www.cih.uib.no/journals/EJHD/ejhdv16-special-issue/ejhd-v16-s-p5.PDF
So, ask yourself, what can YOU do to help??
Happy Mother's Day...
Friday, May 11, 2007
We're off to the races!!!!
Oh my gosh! What is the world's best Mother's Day surprise?! Finding out you're beginning your journey towards motherhood! But, in order for you to fully understand how this news came about, I've got to give you the whole story!
Joe and I were determined to get our moms great gifts this year for Mother's Day. Too many Mother's Days have passed with us getting them little more than a card or a phone call. This year was going to be different. So, we finally decided on the right gift for my mom, but then were stumped as to what to get Lee (Joe's mom). A few weeks before it crossed my mind that it'd be fun to surprise Lee with a visit from Joe for Mother's Day, but lately Joe's been super busy at work trying to meet some deadlines, so I didn't think it'd work and kept thinking. Then, on Wednesday evening, as Joe and I discussed what we'd do for Lee (I mean, we now only had DAYS to make it happen), Joe casually suggested he thought maybe he should go out and see her for gift. We discussed what days he could afford to take off work, and I began to price flights. Nothing seemed to be working out. Ticket fares were high and he didn't have enough flexibility in his work schedule to get anything to work out. Bummer. All evening long, Joe and I were bummed that the idea had flopped. Thursday morning (yesterday) I was still so disappointed I hadn't been able to find a winning ticket fare/schedule, I decided to give it another look. This time, I took I bit more initiative with Joe's work calendar and found something that would work... he'd just have to miss a meeting he'd told me he couldn't miss. (I know... shame on me!). So, I bought the ticket and called Joe. Here's the way our call went:
Joe: Hello
Jesi: Hi. You're on a flight today at 3:40, so you need to be home by 2:00 to pack and let me take you to the airport.
Joe: What?
Jesi: You're flying to Colorado this afternoon to see your mom for Mother's Day. I'm sorry you'll have to miss your meeting, but you haven't seen your mom in a year and a half, so you're getting on a plane at 3:40 today!
Joe: Wow, ok.
And so on... he was home by 2:00 to pack an then off to the airport. As I drove him to the Orange County airport, he told me I was going to have a busy weekend too. I asked why, and he said that he was going to tell me on Mother's Day, but since he'd be gone, thought he should tell me now. He wanted us to finally start the adoption!!!!! Let me tell you, the last mile or two of the drive was quite perilous! I was crying/misty eyed, shocked, and generally having a tough time paying enough attention to the road. I couldn't believe it! After that slab leak, I figured it'd be another 6 months before Joe would consider moving ahead... silly me!
So, as you can all guess, I've been VERY busy since yesterday afternoon. Despite all the agency research I'd done starting in September 2006, I was totally unsure of what agency we'd use to do our Homestudy and Placement. Since there are no agencies in the state of California that do Ethiopian placements, we have to work with two different agencies. Yikes... it's such a difficult decision to make. I really like certain things about different agencies, but in the end what is most important to us is the flexibility in what they let us specify as to the child(ren) we want to adopt and our ages (still aren't 25... but we're getting there!). I'm hoping/planning to have the agencies selected by Monday. The biggest reason I haven't decided on the Homestudy Agency yet is that the one I THINK we're going to use is CLOSED on Fridays. Go figure. I have some questions to ask, and no one but an answering machine to tell them to! Rats.
So, that's it for now. I'm beyond elated that I'm finally on my way to being a mommy! I think the fun we had at the last potluck may have broken Joe's final thread of patience... what do you think? Anyway, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you all! Please keep us in your thoughts as we begin this whirlwind experience! The race to finish the paperchase has officially begun!
Joe and I were determined to get our moms great gifts this year for Mother's Day. Too many Mother's Days have passed with us getting them little more than a card or a phone call. This year was going to be different. So, we finally decided on the right gift for my mom, but then were stumped as to what to get Lee (Joe's mom). A few weeks before it crossed my mind that it'd be fun to surprise Lee with a visit from Joe for Mother's Day, but lately Joe's been super busy at work trying to meet some deadlines, so I didn't think it'd work and kept thinking. Then, on Wednesday evening, as Joe and I discussed what we'd do for Lee (I mean, we now only had DAYS to make it happen), Joe casually suggested he thought maybe he should go out and see her for gift. We discussed what days he could afford to take off work, and I began to price flights. Nothing seemed to be working out. Ticket fares were high and he didn't have enough flexibility in his work schedule to get anything to work out. Bummer. All evening long, Joe and I were bummed that the idea had flopped. Thursday morning (yesterday) I was still so disappointed I hadn't been able to find a winning ticket fare/schedule, I decided to give it another look. This time, I took I bit more initiative with Joe's work calendar and found something that would work... he'd just have to miss a meeting he'd told me he couldn't miss. (I know... shame on me!). So, I bought the ticket and called Joe. Here's the way our call went:
Joe: Hello
Jesi: Hi. You're on a flight today at 3:40, so you need to be home by 2:00 to pack and let me take you to the airport.
Joe: What?
Jesi: You're flying to Colorado this afternoon to see your mom for Mother's Day. I'm sorry you'll have to miss your meeting, but you haven't seen your mom in a year and a half, so you're getting on a plane at 3:40 today!
Joe: Wow, ok.
And so on... he was home by 2:00 to pack an then off to the airport. As I drove him to the Orange County airport, he told me I was going to have a busy weekend too. I asked why, and he said that he was going to tell me on Mother's Day, but since he'd be gone, thought he should tell me now. He wanted us to finally start the adoption!!!!! Let me tell you, the last mile or two of the drive was quite perilous! I was crying/misty eyed, shocked, and generally having a tough time paying enough attention to the road. I couldn't believe it! After that slab leak, I figured it'd be another 6 months before Joe would consider moving ahead... silly me!
So, as you can all guess, I've been VERY busy since yesterday afternoon. Despite all the agency research I'd done starting in September 2006, I was totally unsure of what agency we'd use to do our Homestudy and Placement. Since there are no agencies in the state of California that do Ethiopian placements, we have to work with two different agencies. Yikes... it's such a difficult decision to make. I really like certain things about different agencies, but in the end what is most important to us is the flexibility in what they let us specify as to the child(ren) we want to adopt and our ages (still aren't 25... but we're getting there!). I'm hoping/planning to have the agencies selected by Monday. The biggest reason I haven't decided on the Homestudy Agency yet is that the one I THINK we're going to use is CLOSED on Fridays. Go figure. I have some questions to ask, and no one but an answering machine to tell them to! Rats.
So, that's it for now. I'm beyond elated that I'm finally on my way to being a mommy! I think the fun we had at the last potluck may have broken Joe's final thread of patience... what do you think? Anyway, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you all! Please keep us in your thoughts as we begin this whirlwind experience! The race to finish the paperchase has officially begun!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Potluck Fun for Southern California Ethiopian Adoptive Families... and more updates!
Wow, what an amazing weekend Joe and I had. On Saturday, we finally reunited with other Ethiopian adoptive families from all around Southern California for a potluck! It was the first potluck our group has had since November and it was so exciting to see everyone. As before, it was exciting and inspiring to see all of the amazing families. I felt so fortunate because we had the opportunity to meet our friends two beautiful new girls that arrived from Ethiopia only two weeks before! I can't believe how great they were doing as a family after only 2 weeks! Joe seemed to have a blast playing with some of the older kids, and I lucked into playing dress-up and having my make-up done by a couple of the younger girls.
The potluck was a welcome break from the showings at our house. Just about anytime we start to feel relaxed or comfortable, we seem to get another call for a showing. Since we have 3 d0gs, that's a bit of an ordeal! Straighten up the house, load up the dogs, water bowl, etc. into the car, get all the dog beds and dog toys out of the house, and go for a drive until the showing is over. We had the dogs in the car with us for about 4-5 hours on Sunday! One of the showings lasted about an hour... and that's after I walked in on them looking around the house! Whoops! It's definitely good to have lots of showings, but it's been rather stressful for me on workdays. Even if I'm on a conference call I have to answer the house line, because it could be a realtor calling to schedule a showing and if I don't answer, they can come over! So, I've been trying to become proficient at conducting meeting with my laptop in the car with the 3 dogs whining to go back in the house! If I keep the car parked close enough to our back patio, I still get internet reception and can get my work done! Not ideal, but I know I have to try and be flexible right now.
Oh, and to make things even more exciting, our house had a little gift in store for us... We listed the house on April 23rd (a Tuesday). The following Wednesday, I discovered something rather devestating. We had a hot water SLAB LEAK!!! NOT what you want to have happen ever, but especially not when you're trying to sell it! After re-prioritizing my day and calling around to try and find out what we'd have to do, I got an estimator lined up to come out that evening. We've decided it's best to have the pipes epoxied. They determined the hole in our pipe is small enough it should be able to be fixed with the special epoxy mixture, and at the same time, it'll seal all the pipes in our house and prevent any future leaks! AND, it's 100% guaranteed for life! The problem is, it's not cheap. There's $8,000 out of our adoption fund. Grr! But, the likelihood another leak will develop, and soon, is quite high. So it really is the best choice. Plus, they shouldn't have to do any drywall work this way, so all that new drywall in the ceiling of the kitchen that was done about 2 weeks before this happened SHOULD be able to stay untouched! HOORAY!
So, that, in a nutshell, is how it's going. We are planning on trying to nail down our start date for the adoption in about 14 more days! That's 30 days into having the house listed and we'll decide whether we want to start moving forward while the house is on the market. It may not sell... and I'd hate to wait another 6 months to start the adoption for nothing! If it does sell, I figure we can coordinate the details and deal with that as it arises. Sometimes I think you just have to have faith in yourself that you will be able to work things out. That's life... you never know what's coming next.
The potluck was a welcome break from the showings at our house. Just about anytime we start to feel relaxed or comfortable, we seem to get another call for a showing. Since we have 3 d0gs, that's a bit of an ordeal! Straighten up the house, load up the dogs, water bowl, etc. into the car, get all the dog beds and dog toys out of the house, and go for a drive until the showing is over. We had the dogs in the car with us for about 4-5 hours on Sunday! One of the showings lasted about an hour... and that's after I walked in on them looking around the house! Whoops! It's definitely good to have lots of showings, but it's been rather stressful for me on workdays. Even if I'm on a conference call I have to answer the house line, because it could be a realtor calling to schedule a showing and if I don't answer, they can come over! So, I've been trying to become proficient at conducting meeting with my laptop in the car with the 3 dogs whining to go back in the house! If I keep the car parked close enough to our back patio, I still get internet reception and can get my work done! Not ideal, but I know I have to try and be flexible right now.
Oh, and to make things even more exciting, our house had a little gift in store for us... We listed the house on April 23rd (a Tuesday). The following Wednesday, I discovered something rather devestating. We had a hot water SLAB LEAK!!! NOT what you want to have happen ever, but especially not when you're trying to sell it! After re-prioritizing my day and calling around to try and find out what we'd have to do, I got an estimator lined up to come out that evening. We've decided it's best to have the pipes epoxied. They determined the hole in our pipe is small enough it should be able to be fixed with the special epoxy mixture, and at the same time, it'll seal all the pipes in our house and prevent any future leaks! AND, it's 100% guaranteed for life! The problem is, it's not cheap. There's $8,000 out of our adoption fund. Grr! But, the likelihood another leak will develop, and soon, is quite high. So it really is the best choice. Plus, they shouldn't have to do any drywall work this way, so all that new drywall in the ceiling of the kitchen that was done about 2 weeks before this happened SHOULD be able to stay untouched! HOORAY!
So, that, in a nutshell, is how it's going. We are planning on trying to nail down our start date for the adoption in about 14 more days! That's 30 days into having the house listed and we'll decide whether we want to start moving forward while the house is on the market. It may not sell... and I'd hate to wait another 6 months to start the adoption for nothing! If it does sell, I figure we can coordinate the details and deal with that as it arises. Sometimes I think you just have to have faith in yourself that you will be able to work things out. That's life... you never know what's coming next.
Friday, April 20, 2007
A long overdue update
Wow, you'd think we'd dropped off the radar! It's been a long time since I've written and that's because I've not been sure what to write. Joe and I have been trying to make a number of decisions lately, and until we made a decision, I was hesitant to post an update. So, now that we're closer to "knowing" the plan, I thought I'd bring everyone back up to speed!
Joe and I have decided to put our condo on the market. Although it's a soft market, we feel it's in our best interest to try and sell now while prices are lower so we can get into a single family home with a little yard and a driveway before the adoption is complete. Since we have 3 dogs (yes, 3 dogs!), we want to have a little more backyard space than we currently have on our patio for them to play. I have a feeling that once we get a baby or two home it'll be a lot harder to get them walked as often and I'd feel better knowing they had some space to go outside, lay in the grass, and enjoy the day. We also know that being in a single family home is better for appreciation in the long run, so trying to get into one sooner is better than later. And, we're hoping to take advantage of the high foreclosure rates right now to get a better deal. I'm sure MANY of you are going to ask why we are going to move when we've been doing so much remodeling to our current place. That's tough to answer, but I guess the easiest way is by mentioning that when we did our upgrades, it wasn't because we planned on living here that long, it was because it will also help our resale value and marketability.
So, in a nutshell, that's where we're at. We've been scrambling (and that may be a huge understatement!) to get all the final projects wrapped up and we're ALMOST done. It's been a whirlwind the last month or two and I can't wait for Monday. On Monday, the photographer comes to take pictures of our place for the flyers and our house will go on the market. Next week is a big week and will also mean all the projects and late nights working on the house will be over! So, it's a win-win situation! Whether we can get our place sold or not, we rushed to get it done and will have a completed house!! I can't even tell you how great the place looks! The kitchen looks completely different, the bathrooms are finally finished (and the new paint looks great if I don't say so myself), we have almost done it! Hooray!
In the meantime, we have not started the adoption yet. I can't believe I've made it to late April and not lost my mind to the waiting to start yet, but I guess the scramble to complete our house has really helped time pass quickly. We are planning to start soon, just not sure if we'll wait until a month or two into having this place on the market so we can get moved first (or see if it's seeming likely that we will be moving), or start once it's on the market and we finally have some time to actually work on getting the paperwork together and doing the homestudy. While the first option is probably the smartest so we aren't in the middle of the adoption/homestudy and then have to move, we are anxious to get started as the wait times for referrals seem to increase everyday and we are ready to become parents!
On the work front, I'm still on a project where I get to work from home, which is my first choice of work locations! I have changed projects twice since January though, and am now in a really great role where I should gain some invaluable experience and have a great team of people to work with. Joe is doing great at Central Park West, as usual. I can't even believe how amazing he is! Occasionally I get to have lunch with him at the job site, and there are almost always interruptions. It's really neat to watch him at work, talking to people and see how he carries himself. He's become such an amazing man and I am so proud of him! I don't know how he does what he does, and so well! It seems like only a couple of years ago that we were cruising around the high school while he bummed change from people at the vending machine so he could get some gas for his old Toyota pickup. Now, here he is running a site that is extremely complicated and important to the company. I can only hope that his bosses know how truly blessed they are to have Joe working for him, because he is the best guy to get the job done! (Whew, enough of the bragging about Joe, eh?! I just can't help it, he's doing such a great job!)
That's our status for the moment. Every day my heart aches more and more while I wait to begin the journey to parenthood. I'm beginning to look into volunteer opportunities in Ethiopia, and Africa in general, as something we may do while we're waiting to bring our babies home. There was a Habitat for Humanity trip to Ethiopia we tried to get on, but by the time we heard about it and sent in a request for more info, the trip was already full. I'm confident that an opportunity will arise for us to go and help firsthand before long. In the meantime, we'll keep the updates coming and be hoping that everything falls into place quickly... this will definitely be a Spring to remember!
Joe and I have decided to put our condo on the market. Although it's a soft market, we feel it's in our best interest to try and sell now while prices are lower so we can get into a single family home with a little yard and a driveway before the adoption is complete. Since we have 3 dogs (yes, 3 dogs!), we want to have a little more backyard space than we currently have on our patio for them to play. I have a feeling that once we get a baby or two home it'll be a lot harder to get them walked as often and I'd feel better knowing they had some space to go outside, lay in the grass, and enjoy the day. We also know that being in a single family home is better for appreciation in the long run, so trying to get into one sooner is better than later. And, we're hoping to take advantage of the high foreclosure rates right now to get a better deal. I'm sure MANY of you are going to ask why we are going to move when we've been doing so much remodeling to our current place. That's tough to answer, but I guess the easiest way is by mentioning that when we did our upgrades, it wasn't because we planned on living here that long, it was because it will also help our resale value and marketability.
So, in a nutshell, that's where we're at. We've been scrambling (and that may be a huge understatement!) to get all the final projects wrapped up and we're ALMOST done. It's been a whirlwind the last month or two and I can't wait for Monday. On Monday, the photographer comes to take pictures of our place for the flyers and our house will go on the market. Next week is a big week and will also mean all the projects and late nights working on the house will be over! So, it's a win-win situation! Whether we can get our place sold or not, we rushed to get it done and will have a completed house!! I can't even tell you how great the place looks! The kitchen looks completely different, the bathrooms are finally finished (and the new paint looks great if I don't say so myself), we have almost done it! Hooray!
In the meantime, we have not started the adoption yet. I can't believe I've made it to late April and not lost my mind to the waiting to start yet, but I guess the scramble to complete our house has really helped time pass quickly. We are planning to start soon, just not sure if we'll wait until a month or two into having this place on the market so we can get moved first (or see if it's seeming likely that we will be moving), or start once it's on the market and we finally have some time to actually work on getting the paperwork together and doing the homestudy. While the first option is probably the smartest so we aren't in the middle of the adoption/homestudy and then have to move, we are anxious to get started as the wait times for referrals seem to increase everyday and we are ready to become parents!
On the work front, I'm still on a project where I get to work from home, which is my first choice of work locations! I have changed projects twice since January though, and am now in a really great role where I should gain some invaluable experience and have a great team of people to work with. Joe is doing great at Central Park West, as usual. I can't even believe how amazing he is! Occasionally I get to have lunch with him at the job site, and there are almost always interruptions. It's really neat to watch him at work, talking to people and see how he carries himself. He's become such an amazing man and I am so proud of him! I don't know how he does what he does, and so well! It seems like only a couple of years ago that we were cruising around the high school while he bummed change from people at the vending machine so he could get some gas for his old Toyota pickup. Now, here he is running a site that is extremely complicated and important to the company. I can only hope that his bosses know how truly blessed they are to have Joe working for him, because he is the best guy to get the job done! (Whew, enough of the bragging about Joe, eh?! I just can't help it, he's doing such a great job!)
That's our status for the moment. Every day my heart aches more and more while I wait to begin the journey to parenthood. I'm beginning to look into volunteer opportunities in Ethiopia, and Africa in general, as something we may do while we're waiting to bring our babies home. There was a Habitat for Humanity trip to Ethiopia we tried to get on, but by the time we heard about it and sent in a request for more info, the trip was already full. I'm confident that an opportunity will arise for us to go and help firsthand before long. In the meantime, we'll keep the updates coming and be hoping that everything falls into place quickly... this will definitely be a Spring to remember!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
It's 2007... why are we stuck in the 1950's?!
I ran across a video this morning that has shocked me. Maybe I am just a naive "white woman," but this video makes me embarrassed and ashamed. Have we not progressed in the last 50 years to a point where at least the majority of people are surrounded by the knowledge that dark skin is just as beautiful as light skin? I wouldn't have guessed how skewed my hopes were before watching this video.
I have so many updates I need to make to this blog, but have been extremely busy in the last couple of weeks and haven't had the opportunity to do so. I'll be sure to update you all soon, but in the meantime, I felt that I had to share the link to this powerful documentary. It's not even 10 minutes long, so please take the time to watch it when you have the time.
The video I'm referring to is the second thumbnail, video 02. If it doesn't automatically load that video, just click on the thumbnail.
http://www.mediathatmattersfest.org/6/index.php?id=2
I have so many updates I need to make to this blog, but have been extremely busy in the last couple of weeks and haven't had the opportunity to do so. I'll be sure to update you all soon, but in the meantime, I felt that I had to share the link to this powerful documentary. It's not even 10 minutes long, so please take the time to watch it when you have the time.
The video I'm referring to is the second thumbnail, video 02. If it doesn't automatically load that video, just click on the thumbnail.
http://www.mediathatmattersfest.org/6/index.php?id=2
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Sad facts about a harsh reality
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/28/world/africa/2A8malnutrition.html?ex=1168318800&en=6aed053bd153bbb2&ei=5070&emc=eta1
This is an eye-opening article about the devastation of malnutrition in Sub Saharan Africa, and Ethiopia in particular. Sitting here in our comfortable home in Southern California, reading the article with a full stomach, is more than enough to remind me how lucky Joe and I truly are.
This is an eye-opening article about the devastation of malnutrition in Sub Saharan Africa, and Ethiopia in particular. Sitting here in our comfortable home in Southern California, reading the article with a full stomach, is more than enough to remind me how lucky Joe and I truly are.
Monday, January 01, 2007
A Very Merry Christmas
The holidays have kept us so busy I haven't had any time to post lately. We are so fortunate to have such an amazing family! On Christmas Eve I quickly finished up some baking to take some goodies to Joe's Aunt Pam and Uncle Rick's annual Christmas Eve open house. We had a fabulous time playing with all the kids and talking with family and friends. We have such an amazing family.
For me, a huge highlight of the open house was getting Dasha, Joe's cousin and her husband's newly adopted daughter, to play with me. She is such an amazing little girl who has made truly amazing progress since she arrived to her forever home from Kazakhstan in mid November. She has some incredible hula-hooping skills and tried her best to help me master the art of the hula hoop. To her dismay and amusement, I really wasn't a very quick learner. It's been years since I touched a hula hoop... and during that time I seem to have lost the touch. Nevertheless, Dasha and her brothers, sister, and cousins were a joy to play with and kept me busy running around outside enjoying the 75 degree weather.
Christmas itself was a great day, despite the disappointment we felt that the blizzard in Colorado had prevented dad and Zak from making it to California. It was a bit of a holiday hold-up. We opened some presents and still fixed a fabulous Christmas dinner, but with the guys missing, it just wasn't the same. Mom, Marty, Joe and I dined in style on the patio since we had such perfect weather.
Two days later dad and Zak arrived and we had our second Christmas. Since they've been here, Joe took dad and Zak to see his site, we went to the San Juan Capistrano Mission, took Zak out on the town in Laguna Beach, played Laser Tag in Sherman Oaks (dad's Christmas gift from Marty), and then partied it up at Marty's place for the New Year's Eve countdown.
All in all, it's been a great year. I can't believe it's now 2007 and we will soon be actually starting the adoption. Joe and I need to start gathering papers to speed the paperchase as the homestudy and dossier prep stages of the adoption get underway. It's amazing to think that as early as this time next year, we may be blessed to be the parents of one or two amazing kids.
Next steps: order certified copies of our birth certificates and marriage license, complete application with placement agency and homestudy agency... making our journey "OFFICIAL!"
Stay tuned...!!!! May you all have a happy, healthy, and fabulous 2007!
For me, a huge highlight of the open house was getting Dasha, Joe's cousin and her husband's newly adopted daughter, to play with me. She is such an amazing little girl who has made truly amazing progress since she arrived to her forever home from Kazakhstan in mid November. She has some incredible hula-hooping skills and tried her best to help me master the art of the hula hoop. To her dismay and amusement, I really wasn't a very quick learner. It's been years since I touched a hula hoop... and during that time I seem to have lost the touch. Nevertheless, Dasha and her brothers, sister, and cousins were a joy to play with and kept me busy running around outside enjoying the 75 degree weather.
Christmas itself was a great day, despite the disappointment we felt that the blizzard in Colorado had prevented dad and Zak from making it to California. It was a bit of a holiday hold-up. We opened some presents and still fixed a fabulous Christmas dinner, but with the guys missing, it just wasn't the same. Mom, Marty, Joe and I dined in style on the patio since we had such perfect weather.
Two days later dad and Zak arrived and we had our second Christmas. Since they've been here, Joe took dad and Zak to see his site, we went to the San Juan Capistrano Mission, took Zak out on the town in Laguna Beach, played Laser Tag in Sherman Oaks (dad's Christmas gift from Marty), and then partied it up at Marty's place for the New Year's Eve countdown.
All in all, it's been a great year. I can't believe it's now 2007 and we will soon be actually starting the adoption. Joe and I need to start gathering papers to speed the paperchase as the homestudy and dossier prep stages of the adoption get underway. It's amazing to think that as early as this time next year, we may be blessed to be the parents of one or two amazing kids.
Next steps: order certified copies of our birth certificates and marriage license, complete application with placement agency and homestudy agency... making our journey "OFFICIAL!"
Stay tuned...!!!! May you all have a happy, healthy, and fabulous 2007!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Sunset over Catalina
.jpg)
+edit.JPG)
November 11, 2006Suka, Joe, and Jesi enjoying a nice day at the dog beach in Huntington Beach. A bit overcast, but the water was warm and the air temperature was just right!
October 6, 2006Enjoying a sunset at Aliso Creek beach park in south Laguna Beach during our beach bbq to celebrate the fall family birthdays (mom, myself, Zak, and Joe's) while we were all together. Yes... it's gorgeous here and we are so fortunate to live in such a magnificent area! That's (Catalina island in the horizon of the photo)
An Ethiopian feast ends with a momentous decision
It's been much too long since my last post, so please accept my apologies for the delay! I can tell you that lately our quiet lives have been rather hectic. I have so much to report that it's hard to know where to begin.
The day after Thanksgiving was a day I've been looking forward to for a while now. It was to be our first time attending a southern California Ethiopian adoptive family potluck! For weeks I drove Joe nuts talking to him about how great it was going to be and preparing for the moment when we would finally get to meet other families that have adopted/are adopting from Ethiopia. Not to mention the thrill of finally meeting some of their precious little ones in person.
The potluck was down in San Diego, which is about an hour and a half from us, but of course, as fate would have it, Joe and I hit terrible traffic on the drive down. For any of you that know me, you can imagine that with my excitement and two months of waiting for this day, I was a handful for Joe to deal with as we inched our way closer to San Diego. I kept looking at our navigation system's screen as it ticked away the minutes to our arrival at the destination. By the time it showed an arrival time of 1:58 pm... nearly an hour after the potluck was to begin, I was near tears. As I've said before, I've never been very patient and to me, every minute we were missing was one less minute spent at the potluck. Before long, we were so desperate that we hopped off the freeway (in the middle of nowhere in between Orange County and San Diego where there is nothing around but open land and one road that is part of Camp Pendleton), and we thankfully took advantage of having military id's. After we zipped through security, we were cruising. Now we were smokin'; 35 mph feels fast enough to take the wrinkles out after such a dramatic slow down on the freeway. Since we were now driving on a small and winding road through Camp Pendleton that more or less paralleled the freeway, we really had to follow the speed limit to avoid a ticket from the MP's (military police). Apparently they don't have enough to do so speeding tickets are the highlight of an MP's day.
By 2:00 pm we had arrived at our destination. The party had begun and a sign on the front door told visitors to go ahead and enter. We shyly made our way towards the action out back and met the hostess. My eyes filled with the sights and sounds of kids splashing in the beautiful pool surrounded by rock walls and an attached hot tub. Teenagers, babies, toddlers, you name it, they were there. I think in total that day there were said to be about 70 people in attendance. My attention quickly became rapt as we admired the littlest members of the crowd, taking in their smiles and giggles. One little doll grabbed my finger while in her daddy's arms and wouldn't let go. She was too cute for words.
Although the children had quickly caught our focus, we did turn it to talking to the parents and future parents in the crowd. We met a wonderful couple that lives up near my uncle and are currently awaiting their referral for siblings. We swapped stories, discussed agencies, various decisions that have to be made, and enjoyed some fabulous Ethiopian food. We asked so many questions of the parents that have already got their kids home from Ethiopia, and were thrilled about the support they showed us when we told them about the difficulty our age has posed for us. They rallied around us and our decision to do this, despite our young age, and many offered to help in any way they could. My heart felt like it was going to explode with excitement and thanks. They answered all sorts of questions ranging from reasons for choosing the agency they worked with to how they decided on the age and number of children they adopted.
As the afternoon wound down and people began to say goodbye, Joe and I reluctantly made our way toward the door. The day was filled with smiles, laughter, and truckloads of information. By the time we climbed in the car, Joe looked at me and confirmed with me something very exciting. We have been waiting to feel more certain before posting this update, so please start the drum roll.... after MUCH deliberation, Joe and I are planning on adopting twins or siblings rather than just one infant. **PAUSE** Yes, you read that correctly. We are now planning on starting the adoption process with the intention of adopting twins, or possibly siblings. We are still working on deciding on that one, or maybe we'll leave it open and see what we're referred. This may be something we discuss more with the social worker that does our homestudy before we make a final decision. I have talked it over at length with the social worker with Adoption Avenues and she seems to feel strongly supportive of this choice.
Now, you may just be sitting there wondering "What in the heck are they thinking?!" Believe me, when this idea started going through my mind, I started questioning my sanity as well. But after considering it for about two or three months now, not only do I feel comfortable with the logic behind what my heart it telling me, but Joe has also come to agree with me. Before I begin the attempt at explaining our reasons, I want to cover an important issue that surrounds our adoption. Race, ethnicity, skin color. Yes, we are adopting transculturally. And not just transculturally, but transracially. Since it's an important aspect of our adoption, I need to cover some important ground about this issue that so many people are interested in understanding our position on. You'll probably hear many different opinions on the matter from different transcultural/transracial adoptive families you talk to, and our own feelings will undoubtedly evolve as the process unfolds. This can be such a touchy subject in our society that it's been a struggle for us to know how to handle. So, I'll tackle this one like Joe. Blunt and to the point. Joe and I are Caucasian. We are white... blond hair, blue eyes, and very light colored skin. Our baby(ies) will not have that in common with us. They will have black/brown/dark skin, likely dark brown eyes, and curly black/brown hair. By doing this, we will be creating a family that is transracial. More importantly (and appropriately), transcultural. Our family will grow and be able to add the long and very rich history of Ethiopia to it. Our children may not look just like us, that is part of what will make our family so special and beautiful. Joe and I feel "colorblind" in a sense, but realize that in order to fully support and care for our children, we cannot be completely colorblind. It would be an injustice to our future children. We want them to know everything they can about their Ethiopian roots and have a strong pride in their culture and history. Ethiopia is an amazing country, filled with amazing people. We would never take that away from our children. Both Joe and myself feel that it is a blessing in every sense of the word to be privileged to have a transcultural/transracial family.
That being said, I'll get back to our feelings about adopting two rather than one. We want our child to have the comfort of growing up with a sibling that looks like them and shares a similar history. When they get old enough to start realizing that they don't look like mommy and daddy, I want them to be able to have that commonality with their brother/sister. When they are struggling with issues surrounding their adoption, I want them to have the support and closeness of a sibling that has that in common. Joe and I will always do our best to show them that we love them unconditionally and embrace their culture, history and beautiful dark skin, but it's not the same as having a sibling they can share that with. Someone that looks like them and share a similar life story.
We've thought about doing two separate adoptions, from Ethiopia, but don't feel that's the right decision for us. Adoptions are long, stressful, emotionally, physically, and financially draining. Getting our kids at the same time will allow us to work through the transition at once instead of two separate times. It also means our kids will have a playmate from the get-go, which is nice for the entire family. They will get to have each other as they go through the process of adjusting to life in our family and grow up together with that special bond.
None of this is to say that there's anything wrong with adopting just one child. Or doing separate adoptions. I'm just attempting to explain our own personal feelings on what works best for us. Since it's so late here, I also hope this reads how it's supposed to. Sometimes thoughts and feelings can be so hard to put on paper and still make sense. Nothing is set in stone yet... it'll be a long while yet before we get our referral and until we have the referral, get through court, and travel to Ethiopia to bring our little angels home, everything is an uncertainty. But, until the stork tells us what he's bringing, you can expect it'll be twins!!! I've always dreamed of being a mommy to twins... as crazy and difficult as I am sure it can/will be on some days, the amazing bond they share and joy they will add to our lives will be well worth it!
The final announcement I have for tonight is that my mom has finally moved to California!!! Surprise! I can't even begin to tell you all how happy that makes me! She flew out here last Tuesday and started work on Wednesday, November 29. We convinced her to stay with us since dad is stuck in Colorado finishing a few projects around the house before he can list it for sale. In the meantime, we're doing our best to send him our love and talk lots on the phone! He's the only one left in Colorado now! I hope that the house sells quickly once they list it in the spring, but with the way the housing market's been so slow... it may be a while before dad can get out here to join mom. So, despite the fact that I am so sad dad isn't out here with mom, I am overjoyed to have her around to spend time with again. You can only imagine how big I've been grinning lately with all the exciting changes happening!
The day after Thanksgiving was a day I've been looking forward to for a while now. It was to be our first time attending a southern California Ethiopian adoptive family potluck! For weeks I drove Joe nuts talking to him about how great it was going to be and preparing for the moment when we would finally get to meet other families that have adopted/are adopting from Ethiopia. Not to mention the thrill of finally meeting some of their precious little ones in person.
The potluck was down in San Diego, which is about an hour and a half from us, but of course, as fate would have it, Joe and I hit terrible traffic on the drive down. For any of you that know me, you can imagine that with my excitement and two months of waiting for this day, I was a handful for Joe to deal with as we inched our way closer to San Diego. I kept looking at our navigation system's screen as it ticked away the minutes to our arrival at the destination. By the time it showed an arrival time of 1:58 pm... nearly an hour after the potluck was to begin, I was near tears. As I've said before, I've never been very patient and to me, every minute we were missing was one less minute spent at the potluck. Before long, we were so desperate that we hopped off the freeway (in the middle of nowhere in between Orange County and San Diego where there is nothing around but open land and one road that is part of Camp Pendleton), and we thankfully took advantage of having military id's. After we zipped through security, we were cruising. Now we were smokin'; 35 mph feels fast enough to take the wrinkles out after such a dramatic slow down on the freeway. Since we were now driving on a small and winding road through Camp Pendleton that more or less paralleled the freeway, we really had to follow the speed limit to avoid a ticket from the MP's (military police). Apparently they don't have enough to do so speeding tickets are the highlight of an MP's day.
By 2:00 pm we had arrived at our destination. The party had begun and a sign on the front door told visitors to go ahead and enter. We shyly made our way towards the action out back and met the hostess. My eyes filled with the sights and sounds of kids splashing in the beautiful pool surrounded by rock walls and an attached hot tub. Teenagers, babies, toddlers, you name it, they were there. I think in total that day there were said to be about 70 people in attendance. My attention quickly became rapt as we admired the littlest members of the crowd, taking in their smiles and giggles. One little doll grabbed my finger while in her daddy's arms and wouldn't let go. She was too cute for words.
Although the children had quickly caught our focus, we did turn it to talking to the parents and future parents in the crowd. We met a wonderful couple that lives up near my uncle and are currently awaiting their referral for siblings. We swapped stories, discussed agencies, various decisions that have to be made, and enjoyed some fabulous Ethiopian food. We asked so many questions of the parents that have already got their kids home from Ethiopia, and were thrilled about the support they showed us when we told them about the difficulty our age has posed for us. They rallied around us and our decision to do this, despite our young age, and many offered to help in any way they could. My heart felt like it was going to explode with excitement and thanks. They answered all sorts of questions ranging from reasons for choosing the agency they worked with to how they decided on the age and number of children they adopted.
As the afternoon wound down and people began to say goodbye, Joe and I reluctantly made our way toward the door. The day was filled with smiles, laughter, and truckloads of information. By the time we climbed in the car, Joe looked at me and confirmed with me something very exciting. We have been waiting to feel more certain before posting this update, so please start the drum roll.... after MUCH deliberation, Joe and I are planning on adopting twins or siblings rather than just one infant. **PAUSE** Yes, you read that correctly. We are now planning on starting the adoption process with the intention of adopting twins, or possibly siblings. We are still working on deciding on that one, or maybe we'll leave it open and see what we're referred. This may be something we discuss more with the social worker that does our homestudy before we make a final decision. I have talked it over at length with the social worker with Adoption Avenues and she seems to feel strongly supportive of this choice.
Now, you may just be sitting there wondering "What in the heck are they thinking?!" Believe me, when this idea started going through my mind, I started questioning my sanity as well. But after considering it for about two or three months now, not only do I feel comfortable with the logic behind what my heart it telling me, but Joe has also come to agree with me. Before I begin the attempt at explaining our reasons, I want to cover an important issue that surrounds our adoption. Race, ethnicity, skin color. Yes, we are adopting transculturally. And not just transculturally, but transracially. Since it's an important aspect of our adoption, I need to cover some important ground about this issue that so many people are interested in understanding our position on. You'll probably hear many different opinions on the matter from different transcultural/transracial adoptive families you talk to, and our own feelings will undoubtedly evolve as the process unfolds. This can be such a touchy subject in our society that it's been a struggle for us to know how to handle. So, I'll tackle this one like Joe. Blunt and to the point. Joe and I are Caucasian. We are white... blond hair, blue eyes, and very light colored skin. Our baby(ies) will not have that in common with us. They will have black/brown/dark skin, likely dark brown eyes, and curly black/brown hair. By doing this, we will be creating a family that is transracial. More importantly (and appropriately), transcultural. Our family will grow and be able to add the long and very rich history of Ethiopia to it. Our children may not look just like us, that is part of what will make our family so special and beautiful. Joe and I feel "colorblind" in a sense, but realize that in order to fully support and care for our children, we cannot be completely colorblind. It would be an injustice to our future children. We want them to know everything they can about their Ethiopian roots and have a strong pride in their culture and history. Ethiopia is an amazing country, filled with amazing people. We would never take that away from our children. Both Joe and myself feel that it is a blessing in every sense of the word to be privileged to have a transcultural/transracial family.
That being said, I'll get back to our feelings about adopting two rather than one. We want our child to have the comfort of growing up with a sibling that looks like them and shares a similar history. When they get old enough to start realizing that they don't look like mommy and daddy, I want them to be able to have that commonality with their brother/sister. When they are struggling with issues surrounding their adoption, I want them to have the support and closeness of a sibling that has that in common. Joe and I will always do our best to show them that we love them unconditionally and embrace their culture, history and beautiful dark skin, but it's not the same as having a sibling they can share that with. Someone that looks like them and share a similar life story.
We've thought about doing two separate adoptions, from Ethiopia, but don't feel that's the right decision for us. Adoptions are long, stressful, emotionally, physically, and financially draining. Getting our kids at the same time will allow us to work through the transition at once instead of two separate times. It also means our kids will have a playmate from the get-go, which is nice for the entire family. They will get to have each other as they go through the process of adjusting to life in our family and grow up together with that special bond.
None of this is to say that there's anything wrong with adopting just one child. Or doing separate adoptions. I'm just attempting to explain our own personal feelings on what works best for us. Since it's so late here, I also hope this reads how it's supposed to. Sometimes thoughts and feelings can be so hard to put on paper and still make sense. Nothing is set in stone yet... it'll be a long while yet before we get our referral and until we have the referral, get through court, and travel to Ethiopia to bring our little angels home, everything is an uncertainty. But, until the stork tells us what he's bringing, you can expect it'll be twins!!! I've always dreamed of being a mommy to twins... as crazy and difficult as I am sure it can/will be on some days, the amazing bond they share and joy they will add to our lives will be well worth it!
The final announcement I have for tonight is that my mom has finally moved to California!!! Surprise! I can't even begin to tell you all how happy that makes me! She flew out here last Tuesday and started work on Wednesday, November 29. We convinced her to stay with us since dad is stuck in Colorado finishing a few projects around the house before he can list it for sale. In the meantime, we're doing our best to send him our love and talk lots on the phone! He's the only one left in Colorado now! I hope that the house sells quickly once they list it in the spring, but with the way the housing market's been so slow... it may be a while before dad can get out here to join mom. So, despite the fact that I am so sad dad isn't out here with mom, I am overjoyed to have her around to spend time with again. You can only imagine how big I've been grinning lately with all the exciting changes happening!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Taking a stand
I wanted to take a moment and provide links to some organizations and causes that I feel strongly about. These are not directly related to our adoption, however, I feel that they are relevant. We are adopting from a country that is ravished by HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis, and poverty. I urge you to take a look at their websites and see what the organizations stand for, what their goals are, and what you can do to help. There are so many people in this world that need us to stand together and unite. We all have strong voices and we CAN make a difference.
The first website I found recently is Join Red. It has a very exciting and much needed goal of providing antiretroviral drugs and HIV/AIDS education and prevention to people in Africa. The proceeds from the sale of "red" products (see website for more details... you can buy "red" products from places like Gap, Armani, Motorola, Apple (iPod!), Converse, etc.) go towards the purchase of antiretroviral drugs and HIV/AIDS prevention education to people in Africa. This is a really exciting opportunity for consumers to purchase products that spread awareness of the need in Africa for help at fighting the AIDS pandemic. It's so easy to help and by having "red" products not only means that proceeds from your purchase help the cause, but you also help by showing your support and spreading the word.
Join Red's website is: http://www.joinred.com.
For those of you on myspace, their page is: http://www.myspace.com/joinred.
The next group that I really like is called "ONE." Their campaign is to make poverty history. ONE aims to help Americans raise their voice as ONE against the emergency of AIDS and extreme poverty, so that decision makers will do more to save millions of lives in the poorest countries. They have a number of ways you can help. You can sign the ONE declaration, wear the white ONE bands, and do many other things to show your support of the ONE campaign. ONE is about using our voices to start create a change. They are not asking for donations, just your voice. For more details please see their website.
ONE's website is: http://www.one.org.
Another exciting adventure that is about to begin is a 4,000 mile run across the Sahara desert. Three men will run 50 miles per day for 80 days, crossing 6 countries during their run. The goal is to raise awareness about the poverty in Africa and the lack of access to clean water. They hope that through this charitable campaign they will raise money to provide clean water so that one day everyone will have access to clean water since this is a direct cause of malnutrishment, starvation, unsanitary conditions, and crippling poverty. For more information and to follow the race as it progresses, please see their website.
Running the Sahara's website is: http://www.runningthesahara.com.
There is also a website that is raising money and gathering supporters for the AIDS pandemic, malaria, and tuberculosis in Africa. On their website you can add your name to the map of people who support "The Global Fund." From their map you can see statistics on the number of men/women, ages, locations of people that support The Global Fund. This is another organization which enables YOU to make a difference. For more info, or to add your name to the map, please see their website.
The Global Fund's website is: http://www.jointheglobalfund.org.
Well, that's all for now. When you have a moment, please take the time to look over the sites and see what they're about. It's too quick and easy to sign the declarations, add yourself to the map, or buy red products to tell yourself you don't have the time or whatever. We can all stand together and make a difference.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for reading this and hope to have more adoption updates soon!
The first website I found recently is Join Red. It has a very exciting and much needed goal of providing antiretroviral drugs and HIV/AIDS education and prevention to people in Africa. The proceeds from the sale of "red" products (see website for more details... you can buy "red" products from places like Gap, Armani, Motorola, Apple (iPod!), Converse, etc.) go towards the purchase of antiretroviral drugs and HIV/AIDS prevention education to people in Africa. This is a really exciting opportunity for consumers to purchase products that spread awareness of the need in Africa for help at fighting the AIDS pandemic. It's so easy to help and by having "red" products not only means that proceeds from your purchase help the cause, but you also help by showing your support and spreading the word.
Join Red's website is: http://www.joinred.com.
For those of you on myspace, their page is: http://www.myspace.com/joinred.
The next group that I really like is called "ONE." Their campaign is to make poverty history. ONE aims to help Americans raise their voice as ONE against the emergency of AIDS and extreme poverty, so that decision makers will do more to save millions of lives in the poorest countries. They have a number of ways you can help. You can sign the ONE declaration, wear the white ONE bands, and do many other things to show your support of the ONE campaign. ONE is about using our voices to start create a change. They are not asking for donations, just your voice. For more details please see their website.
ONE's website is: http://www.one.org.
Another exciting adventure that is about to begin is a 4,000 mile run across the Sahara desert. Three men will run 50 miles per day for 80 days, crossing 6 countries during their run. The goal is to raise awareness about the poverty in Africa and the lack of access to clean water. They hope that through this charitable campaign they will raise money to provide clean water so that one day everyone will have access to clean water since this is a direct cause of malnutrishment, starvation, unsanitary conditions, and crippling poverty. For more information and to follow the race as it progresses, please see their website.
Running the Sahara's website is: http://www.runningthesahara.com.
There is also a website that is raising money and gathering supporters for the AIDS pandemic, malaria, and tuberculosis in Africa. On their website you can add your name to the map of people who support "The Global Fund." From their map you can see statistics on the number of men/women, ages, locations of people that support The Global Fund. This is another organization which enables YOU to make a difference. For more info, or to add your name to the map, please see their website.
The Global Fund's website is: http://www.jointheglobalfund.org.
Well, that's all for now. When you have a moment, please take the time to look over the sites and see what they're about. It's too quick and easy to sign the declarations, add yourself to the map, or buy red products to tell yourself you don't have the time or whatever. We can all stand together and make a difference.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for reading this and hope to have more adoption updates soon!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Progress, frustration, excitement... and the Santa Ana winds
Thought of the day: Patience IS a virtue.
Sadly, it's just not a virtue that I seem to possess. I have tried all my life to be patient. No matter how hard I try to be patient about things, in general I'm quite unsuccessful! Once I set my mind on doing something, I'm going to do it. When I start thinking about something, I can't get my mind off of it. Knowing this, you can probably imagine that ever since we decided to move forward with our adoption, I have been gung-ho, ready-to-go. I've done extensive research on the various agencies that do placements for Ethiopia and have found one that may just be the one we'll move forward with. That being said, what more is there to do than for me to start the paperchase?!
Recently, I began putting considerable time into planning some fund-raisers we'll do to try and help gather the much needed financial capital for the adoption. Joe and I have talked through this topic a number of times. We started the adoption process with the feeling that "If we can't afford to pay for the adoption out of pocket, we will have to wait and save until we can." However, through all my research and time spent trying to figure out how/when we will reach our savings goal of anywhere from $20,000 - $30,000 that the adoption will cost, we have both had to come to terms with reality. We can afford to support a child financially on a day-to-day basis, but it will take us an incredibly long time to save that amount of money on our own. We live in an area that has an extremely high cost of living. This means that although our combined income puts adoption grants out of the picture (our combined salaries put us in the realm of being "over-qualified"), they do not take into account the housing/living costs of the area in which people live. So, we may make more than a single income family in the middle of nowhere in Nevada (not that it's not a great place to live!), but someone that lives in an area where housing is so much more inexpensive could, in reality, be much more financially well off than our double income situation in a higher cost of living area. Did that make any sense? Therefore, we're left with the options of paying for the adoption through fund-raising, loans and paying out of pocket. Obviously this is quite a personal/private sort of topic, but I feel it's important to share all aspects of this journey as we continue along the path towards creating our family. I just wish there was more fairness in looking at people's financial situation when qualifying/disqualifying them for grants. I guess I do feel better knowing that most families that adopt end up doing fund-raisers, obtaining grants, and borrowing money, so we're not alone.
As far as the fund-raisers go, so far, we have a list of ideas. The list is:
- Ice Cream Social/Spaghetti Dinner/Pancake Breakfast
- Advertise in local papers asking for Garage Sale donations, then have an adoption fund-raiser garage sale. ADVERTISE THE CAUSE!!
- Start a basic website that accepts donations and sells items supporting adoption, with proceeds going towards funding of our adoption.
- Car wash (we'd need manpower though... don't think Joe and I alone could wash enough cars in a day to make much money)
- Kids Carnival (have a bounce house, face painting...??? Don't know how to get the cost low enough to make this possible)
- Bake Sale
- Raffle
- Dog Social – Pet Talent Show
- Teddy Bear Picnic
- Book Sale
- Recyclable bottle donations (ask people to collect their bottles that have a CA cash refund and give them to us to get the money back for rather than putting them in their street recycling bins).
Now, on a lighter note, we have spent a lot of time talking to agencies, current/past adoptive familes, and narrowing our selection more and more. Originally I came to like Children's Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS) quite a bit. However, once I spoke with them more, I learned that, due to their specific agency requirements, we would not be able to start our adoption until at least one of us turns 25. That means we wouldn't be able to get going on the adoption until next October! Grr. Both of us feel that the time to do this is now and we don't want to postpone it a year.
Fortunately, I've found another exciting possiblity. It's a small agency that has a much newer program in Ethiopia. They are called Adoption Avenues. Their average timelines have been much quicker (they are smaller and newer to Ethiopian adoptions so they have a shorter waitlist of adoptive parents). We do have concerns with using an agency that has less experience working in Ethiopia, but they have some great references, their social worker has been extremely friendly and willing to answer any and ALL questions we've had, and we like that it's felt much more personal than the larger agencies we've talked to. There is someone available to talk to 24/7, so if we're in Ethiopia and have a question/problem and need to talk to someone at the agency, there is always someone that can be reached. In addition to all the other positives I've listed about this agency, they are ready and willing to work with us right away! They feel that age isn't the only factor in someone's ability to parent, financially provide for a child, etc. Therefore, unless the social worker that does our homestudy finds another reason that we can't proceed right now, we've got the green light!
This doesn't mean we're starting right now. We're actually still reviewing our proposed timeline. Joe is concerned about starting until we've COMPLETELY FINISHED the house projects (we have to replace the kitchen countertops, install baseboards downstairs, and finish the drywall repairs in the bathrooms). However, I believe that the perfect time to be finishing all those projects is while we're anxiously waiting for our referral and needing something to keep us busy and distracted! It is clear now that we both feel that we would like to get started before April. Since the process is so unpredictable and frequently takes about 2-3 times as long as the forecasted time period, getting started sooner would be good. For now, we're shooting for starting the application and homestudy sometime in January.
While we wait, we're continuing to enjoy the area we now call home. The Santa Ana winds have been making for a warm November (it was 94 degrees the other day!) and we're enjoying strolls on the beach every chance we get. This weekend we'll be welcoming the newest member of the extended family, and we couldn't be more excited about that. Joe's cousin and her husband have just picked up their new little angel from the Los Angeles airport this evening! They adopted her from Kazakhstan and it's been a long, grueling process. I have admired their patience and strength throughout and hope Joe and I are able to get through our adoption process with half as much grace. Meeting their little angel will definitely make the weekend special for us!
As you can see, we're moving forward little by little! I will be sure to post updates over the next couple of weeks as we begin planning our fund-raisers and narrowing in on our "start date." If any of you have some creative ideas for fund-raisers, please let us know! We would appreciate any suggestions since neither of us has planned a fund-raiser before and feel a bit clueless!
Sadly, it's just not a virtue that I seem to possess. I have tried all my life to be patient. No matter how hard I try to be patient about things, in general I'm quite unsuccessful! Once I set my mind on doing something, I'm going to do it. When I start thinking about something, I can't get my mind off of it. Knowing this, you can probably imagine that ever since we decided to move forward with our adoption, I have been gung-ho, ready-to-go. I've done extensive research on the various agencies that do placements for Ethiopia and have found one that may just be the one we'll move forward with. That being said, what more is there to do than for me to start the paperchase?!
Recently, I began putting considerable time into planning some fund-raisers we'll do to try and help gather the much needed financial capital for the adoption. Joe and I have talked through this topic a number of times. We started the adoption process with the feeling that "If we can't afford to pay for the adoption out of pocket, we will have to wait and save until we can." However, through all my research and time spent trying to figure out how/when we will reach our savings goal of anywhere from $20,000 - $30,000 that the adoption will cost, we have both had to come to terms with reality. We can afford to support a child financially on a day-to-day basis, but it will take us an incredibly long time to save that amount of money on our own. We live in an area that has an extremely high cost of living. This means that although our combined income puts adoption grants out of the picture (our combined salaries put us in the realm of being "over-qualified"), they do not take into account the housing/living costs of the area in which people live. So, we may make more than a single income family in the middle of nowhere in Nevada (not that it's not a great place to live!), but someone that lives in an area where housing is so much more inexpensive could, in reality, be much more financially well off than our double income situation in a higher cost of living area. Did that make any sense? Therefore, we're left with the options of paying for the adoption through fund-raising, loans and paying out of pocket. Obviously this is quite a personal/private sort of topic, but I feel it's important to share all aspects of this journey as we continue along the path towards creating our family. I just wish there was more fairness in looking at people's financial situation when qualifying/disqualifying them for grants. I guess I do feel better knowing that most families that adopt end up doing fund-raisers, obtaining grants, and borrowing money, so we're not alone.
As far as the fund-raisers go, so far, we have a list of ideas. The list is:
- Ice Cream Social/Spaghetti Dinner/Pancake Breakfast
- Advertise in local papers asking for Garage Sale donations, then have an adoption fund-raiser garage sale. ADVERTISE THE CAUSE!!
- Start a basic website that accepts donations and sells items supporting adoption, with proceeds going towards funding of our adoption.
- Car wash (we'd need manpower though... don't think Joe and I alone could wash enough cars in a day to make much money)
- Kids Carnival (have a bounce house, face painting...??? Don't know how to get the cost low enough to make this possible)
- Bake Sale
- Raffle
- Dog Social – Pet Talent Show
- Teddy Bear Picnic
- Book Sale
- Recyclable bottle donations (ask people to collect their bottles that have a CA cash refund and give them to us to get the money back for rather than putting them in their street recycling bins).
Now, on a lighter note, we have spent a lot of time talking to agencies, current/past adoptive familes, and narrowing our selection more and more. Originally I came to like Children's Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS) quite a bit. However, once I spoke with them more, I learned that, due to their specific agency requirements, we would not be able to start our adoption until at least one of us turns 25. That means we wouldn't be able to get going on the adoption until next October! Grr. Both of us feel that the time to do this is now and we don't want to postpone it a year.
Fortunately, I've found another exciting possiblity. It's a small agency that has a much newer program in Ethiopia. They are called Adoption Avenues. Their average timelines have been much quicker (they are smaller and newer to Ethiopian adoptions so they have a shorter waitlist of adoptive parents). We do have concerns with using an agency that has less experience working in Ethiopia, but they have some great references, their social worker has been extremely friendly and willing to answer any and ALL questions we've had, and we like that it's felt much more personal than the larger agencies we've talked to. There is someone available to talk to 24/7, so if we're in Ethiopia and have a question/problem and need to talk to someone at the agency, there is always someone that can be reached. In addition to all the other positives I've listed about this agency, they are ready and willing to work with us right away! They feel that age isn't the only factor in someone's ability to parent, financially provide for a child, etc. Therefore, unless the social worker that does our homestudy finds another reason that we can't proceed right now, we've got the green light!
This doesn't mean we're starting right now. We're actually still reviewing our proposed timeline. Joe is concerned about starting until we've COMPLETELY FINISHED the house projects (we have to replace the kitchen countertops, install baseboards downstairs, and finish the drywall repairs in the bathrooms). However, I believe that the perfect time to be finishing all those projects is while we're anxiously waiting for our referral and needing something to keep us busy and distracted! It is clear now that we both feel that we would like to get started before April. Since the process is so unpredictable and frequently takes about 2-3 times as long as the forecasted time period, getting started sooner would be good. For now, we're shooting for starting the application and homestudy sometime in January.
While we wait, we're continuing to enjoy the area we now call home. The Santa Ana winds have been making for a warm November (it was 94 degrees the other day!) and we're enjoying strolls on the beach every chance we get. This weekend we'll be welcoming the newest member of the extended family, and we couldn't be more excited about that. Joe's cousin and her husband have just picked up their new little angel from the Los Angeles airport this evening! They adopted her from Kazakhstan and it's been a long, grueling process. I have admired their patience and strength throughout and hope Joe and I are able to get through our adoption process with half as much grace. Meeting their little angel will definitely make the weekend special for us!
As you can see, we're moving forward little by little! I will be sure to post updates over the next couple of weeks as we begin planning our fund-raisers and narrowing in on our "start date." If any of you have some creative ideas for fund-raisers, please let us know! We would appreciate any suggestions since neither of us has planned a fund-raiser before and feel a bit clueless!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
