Ok, after skimming quickly through my last post I realized that despite all the ramblings, I made the picture of our new life out to be perfect. However, in order to share more of the reality with those considering adoption, starting the process, waiting for their referral, waiting to travel, or whatever; I thought I'd add a little update.
Things HAVE been tough. Not all the time, but occasionally. There has been so little issue with the kids attaching to us since they are so young (and according to the Docs attachment really starts to happen after 6 months apparently), but for us to attach & bond with them it hasn't all just come instantly. We have loved them since we first laid eyes on their referral pictures... but to really start to feel like their parents and love them through and through... it has/is taking time. There are moments when one of them is crying for no apparent reason and I can't get them to stop that I feel frustrated beyond belief. I wonder what I'm doing wrong or "WHAT IN THE HECK WERE WE THINKING?!" There are times when I am counting the minutes until Joe comes home from work so I can get a break or get away. But, usually just after I have one of these breakdowns in thoughts, I'm flooded with how lucky we are to have these amazing little people and how much I DO love them. Their smiles are the best gift in the world... and I can't tell you how perfect their giggles are. Really... hearing them laugh is food for the soul.
So, while we both have struggled to feel like we ARE a family and question why it didn't just feel like that overnight, we know it's a part of the process. It's a difficult part at times, but one that makes it all the more rewarding. These babies deserve our love more than anything or anyone else, and we're thrilled to be able to give it to them. For every down there are 10 times the ups in our daily lives... so the good really does outweigh the bad, but it's not all easy. I don't want my last post to make it seem like it's been a total breeze... we HAVE had challenges! Many times I read other peoples blogs and think "WOW, how do they do it so easily?!" and then remind myself we often on talk about the good... at least in public. When I read some one's blog that is honest, open, and get to really read about the roller coaster, I find it so refreshing and helpful in my difficult moments of the journey. Therefore, it's my commitment to all of you to continue to try and share the good AND the bad! (Lucky you... I know! ;-) )
Oh... and Joe and I are still cycling through the battle with the GI bugs... so send those get well wishes our way! We are SO ready to be back to full health so we can REALLY start having fun with these two gorgeous babes!
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6 comments:
Hi there :) I came across your blog thru blogs LOL. I wanted to say CONGRATS on your new babies ! I know it can be HARD, and wonderful. I adopted my youngest daughter from Guatemala (are in process for Ethiopia now) and when she came home,it was the hardest 3 weeks of my life! I loved her and longed for her to be home, but I was SO tired & frustrated at times. She woke up every hr and didnt nap more then 30 mins a day for 3 weeks straight. It was hard to "be in love" at that point, but I did love her so much.Falling in love doesnt happen for most people instantly, it is a process of building likes,trust, understanding and love :) Nice to see honestly on a blog too. I Look forward to more pictures of your cuties. Maria
Hey Jessi. (Jodi from the yahoo group). I just wanted to give you a piece of encouragement to say that this is normal even with bio. kids. Sometimes you don't feel attached and just want to "unattach" yourself for awhile and get a break. I totally know what you mean and could have written this post about my bio kids.
After five years of being with my kids, I can honestly say, it is the best hardship I could ever ask for!
Jesi,
Glad to see things are "normal" LOL!
We still haven't got our referral.Can we say FOREVER??? Yep!
After waitng all this time,I WANT TWINS!!!
Thanks for the honesty. I think too many people skim over the challenges, like everything is rainbows and puppies afterwards. We too had trouble bonding with our daughter initially. It's totally normal to feel like you are "babysitting" instead of parenting for a while. Hang in there... it does get better!
Thanks for your honesty, Jesi. I appreciate it like you wouldn't believe. It makes me realize that I'm not a freak for feeling the same way! Too many people only post the good stuff. (Which is nice, but seriously...get real!)
I have sooooo many questions for you. Keep being a good mommy, and we'll talk soon!
Thanks for being vulnerable! Goodness I think I felt that way after both my children were born. I loved them, absolutely, but they were a mystery and exhausting. And there was a definite transition time for me to figure out who I was as a mother and who we both were as parents. Anyway, its like you started this new job, but there is no manual, no textbook to tell you how to parent your exact children in their exact circumstance. So you just do your best. You just love, and ask for help if you need it. You are NORMAL. Can't wait to see you this weekend!
karen
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