Friday, October 02, 2009

Everyone needs a laugh sometimes

Ok, so my brother emailed this to me and I was really laughing as I read through this.  And, since I felt like I really needed that laugh, I figured there are others out there that do too.  So, without further ado, laugh away!

Subject: 40 thoughts...

1. I
wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may
know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately
choose not to be friends with?

5. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it
wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would
magically fix the problem. Every kid in 
America did that, but how did
we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message
boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

6. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

7. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first
saw it.

8. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

9. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

10. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

11. Was learning cursive really necessary?

12. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

13. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger..

14. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a
Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

15. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

17. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

18. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

19. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

20. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.

21. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

23. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

24. Bad decisions make good stories.

25. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

26. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.

27. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to
go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so
incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this
shouldn't be a problem....

28. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

29. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

30. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

31. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

32. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

33. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

34. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes
to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and
run away?

35. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles.

36. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate

37. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

38. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.

39. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what
to do with it.

40. I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone
they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


Rachel said...

So funny! I think I might have to steal this!

Julia said...

Heehee!!! I'm going to ask my cop stepson about that last one. And I'm always bitching when my nav system tells me how to get out of my own neighborhood!

Eve S. D'ropper said...

Ohmigosh, sorry for randomly commenting on your blog, I found a "Next Blog" button and this came up, but this was so hilarious that I just had to comment. :)

This list is so. freaking. true and hilarious at the same time!!! :D :D :D Thanks for brightening my day times a million!

P.S. The picture at the top of your blog is awwww-inspiring, the wonder in your children's eyes is so beautiful.